Twitter Wit: Brilliance in 140 Characters Or Less by Nick Douglas

Author:Nick Douglas
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Humour collections & anthologies, Sociology, Humor, Social Science, Reference, Anecdotes, Popular Culture, Satire And Humor, General, Popular Culture - General, Wit and humor, Web - Social Networking, Humour: Collections & General, Quotations, Twitter, Online social networks
ISBN: 9780061897276
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2009-09-23T07:00:00+00:00

If someone spits gum on the sidewalk, we should be able to take their DNA from it, clone them, and then bet the shit out of their clone.

paulfeig

If I seduce it, really get it going, then leave it alone for ten minutes, maybe this paper will finish itself.

katefeetie

A Tulsa, OK, boy made a suicide pact with a well-known radio host, a pact that only one would keep. And now you know the rest of the story.

strutting

Somehow, I doubt the lady yelling, “GIVE ME MY FREE LATTE, CAUSE KARMA WILL GET YOU IF YOU DON’T, B*TCH,” really gets the concept of karma.

summerjane

It seems that, no matter how ugly a place may be, it will have “Keep XYZ Beautiful” signs. New Jersey has them. Mordor probably does, too.

jonathaneunice

They said I was just like a Republican Bill Clinton. Close, but no cigar.

LameBush

I need a woman that “gets” me. Or at least doesn’t think there’s something wrong with me just because I organize my Beanie Babies by phylum.

Fakeweiler

I don’t care what my psychiatrist says. I’m glad I’m a Jedi.

ttseco

When Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson bump uglies it must look like two bicycles trying to braid each other’s streamers.

AinsleyofAttack

Each time I stay at a hotel, they’ve found another little pillow to add to the pile at the head of the bed. It’s like a pillow arms race.

zeldman

Overheard: If you torture data long enough, you can get it to confess to anything.

adactio

I get a disproportionate sense of accomplishment when I clean a speck off the mirror, because it’s a two-for-one.

eyelemon

Wondering if hipsterism is catching, like the swine flu. In Williamsburg this weekend & suddenly feel like wearing skinny jeans & knit cap.

EOverbey

I’m not so sure a good man is that hard to find, but there’s no question that a hard man is good to find.

ctually

I’ve become so cynical about advertising that, now that milk is on TV, I wonder if it really is good for you.

heathr

All this rain, and no one to look out my mansion window and sing a Top 20 (on the urban charts) love song about.

Slapclap

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